So. I spent the night with A last night. Interesting? Yet again, sex was not completed due to him not being able to ''keep it up'' when he is stoned. If you have had the experiamce of this you will understand how painful it is, the fact that you cannot even sexually exite the person who loves you.
We departed on the words '' bye then ''. And they say romance is dead? -.-
So yeah. I know i seem like a bitch, but im meeting this guy 'lynch' friday. Who is a complete and utter using man slag. He is dating this trampy stuck up tart who is too big for her boots. He goes around fucking anything and everything... I know he is using me... but its nice to feel wanted again. I have known Lynch three years, and i suppose in a way he has always been on my shelf. He is overly charming. I just want passion, although i doubt ill be getting that anytime soon. Seems a girl with Bi-polar and an obsession with whiskey issnt what men look for. I am living on a thin line between reality and my thoughts... that aint attractive hahaha. So to make up for it, I have been dieting and working out harcore. Still finding it difficult to destroy my addiction for chocolate, bacon, and crisps >.<
My week is building up to Lynch... I just hope he dont cancel on me and leave me standing there in my heels on my own like some cheap hooker.
#Must learn to not depend my happiness on other people.
over and out.
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
Brief history
I wont bore you with the details of my past relationships. But basically... They all either upset me, controlled me, cheated, or just didnt understand me.
Nearly all of my ex's hate me. And as for guys I have fucked out of a relationship. Nearly all of them are nasty. See, I went through a phase of being VERY lonely. So I drank alot, and slept with pretty much any moderatly okay guy I thought there could be a future with... Sadly, me being a mug believed the whole ''Oh yeah I really want to be with you'' gag. Yeah, by be with me they ment just lead me on to get a shag then fuck off. It is actually pathetic. But yeah, when i say nearly all of them are nasty, I say that because there was one. Jack. Ever since i met him i wanted him. He is a metaller / hippie. fucking beautiful. Long blonde wavy hair, blue eyes, strong, tall, smart, interesting, feminine, understanding. UGH he is everything perfect. Shame he dosent want me eh? I worship that boy, he is such an amazing person. He dosent even know how i feel about him though. I could never get the balls to tell him. I did manage to fuck him though.... It was two days after christmas. I hate this story... so to cut it short, I was nearly in tears with happiness, he was soo drunk he threw up on me :/ sexy :/ he didnt even remember it the next day..... :( Meh.
But yeah you get the picture.. dicks in the past.... worship Jack... you got it ;)
Nearly all of my ex's hate me. And as for guys I have fucked out of a relationship. Nearly all of them are nasty. See, I went through a phase of being VERY lonely. So I drank alot, and slept with pretty much any moderatly okay guy I thought there could be a future with... Sadly, me being a mug believed the whole ''Oh yeah I really want to be with you'' gag. Yeah, by be with me they ment just lead me on to get a shag then fuck off. It is actually pathetic. But yeah, when i say nearly all of them are nasty, I say that because there was one. Jack. Ever since i met him i wanted him. He is a metaller / hippie. fucking beautiful. Long blonde wavy hair, blue eyes, strong, tall, smart, interesting, feminine, understanding. UGH he is everything perfect. Shame he dosent want me eh? I worship that boy, he is such an amazing person. He dosent even know how i feel about him though. I could never get the balls to tell him. I did manage to fuck him though.... It was two days after christmas. I hate this story... so to cut it short, I was nearly in tears with happiness, he was soo drunk he threw up on me :/ sexy :/ he didnt even remember it the next day..... :( Meh.
But yeah you get the picture.. dicks in the past.... worship Jack... you got it ;)
Love?
Well. I have decided to to start Blogging while I sort out my love life. I am currently dating someone, happily? I have been with him for over six months now. Still early days I know... I could bang on about how lovely and funny, not to mention charming and good looking he is ect. But I am trying to stop doing that. It bores people.
A (my boyfriend) is an upgrade from the dicks i have been with. Like, genuine marriage material. I have never been able to open up to anyone like I can to him. Such a shame we are both wankers.
As much as I love and care for him... It's becoming a bit of a drip. I dont go out anymore. I am misreble all the time. His friends and family hate me. Our relationship just feels like its the same shit different day. Yet I cant manage loosing him. If you are in an intence relationship, you will know what i mean. Literally like the phrase '' You cant live with them, but cant live without them''.
Ahh well.
We are on the verge of breaking up. Have been for a while. The truth is, he cannot trust me because I cheated. And I cant trust him because he has eswell. A relationship cannot be built on unstable grounds... But yeah, A and myself (as much as we hate to think it) will end. I am kind of coming to grips with it... he issnt. The funny thing is even if we do split I still imagine spending the rest of my life with him :S
But I will get to that later.
So yeah hello. This is just a low down on how things are with my boyfriend... I'll get to the complex parts and heartbreaks later. YAY -.-
A (my boyfriend) is an upgrade from the dicks i have been with. Like, genuine marriage material. I have never been able to open up to anyone like I can to him. Such a shame we are both wankers.
As much as I love and care for him... It's becoming a bit of a drip. I dont go out anymore. I am misreble all the time. His friends and family hate me. Our relationship just feels like its the same shit different day. Yet I cant manage loosing him. If you are in an intence relationship, you will know what i mean. Literally like the phrase '' You cant live with them, but cant live without them''.
Ahh well.
We are on the verge of breaking up. Have been for a while. The truth is, he cannot trust me because I cheated. And I cant trust him because he has eswell. A relationship cannot be built on unstable grounds... But yeah, A and myself (as much as we hate to think it) will end. I am kind of coming to grips with it... he issnt. The funny thing is even if we do split I still imagine spending the rest of my life with him :S
But I will get to that later.
So yeah hello. This is just a low down on how things are with my boyfriend... I'll get to the complex parts and heartbreaks later. YAY -.-
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